April 28, 2007

• never realized until today but......
  
  there was a point in the last few years. where all i did was play a certain video game called maplestory. im embarrassed when i mention it now. but i was really proud of my character. i worked really hard for it. i would isolate myself from the people i cared the most about. and just played the video game. at one point i would play for 20 hours straight on the weekends, and i was ranked #1 in my server at one point. i even use to sell items from the game for profit. i thought i was doing something productive when i was actually doing nothing. i was letting time fly by. and putting my faith in a freaken video game. i was pretty stupid when i look back on it now. im ashamed and its even hard to talk about it now... but when i was playing the game. i felt this sense of instant gratification. gave me fullfillment,  it was like a drug. i even tried to get people into the game, so i could keep playing. and use it as a excuse to bond with them. but the main reason i kept playing was because i wasnt happy with myself. i thought i can just create a new character, and just start over from a clean slate. and build it up. make it strong. and just forget about the world around me. live in a world of fantasy instead of reality. i have a friend name j who plays ALOT OF video games. hes a smart guy. he never studied for any of classes in college. he never studied for the naplex and passed. and became a pharmacist. but even with all that. hes not happy. he gambles. not so he can win money. but i think because he just likes the excitment of winning. As a friend i try and be there for him. I can see so much untapped potential going to waste. and that upsets me as a friend.
  
  anyways. as i was feeling like myself again. i slowly stop playing. not needing the game to be happy. and finding happiness through friends, family, and faith. but most importantly in myself.
  
  this is my farewell to toushirou3.  you were a great friend. but i must let you go....you outlived your purpose.

  

  

  

  • 5:14 pm
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